Walking from place to place it felt like I always was bound to one
Place in my mind with no windows and sun
I was wishing a lot and didn’t know what I was wishing for
And I cursed a lot
I cursed my lot, cursed this slot, cursed for even the care I got
I was restless

See when words stop making sense
Either the words were really intense or they were just not

It’s like m locked in a place
And still m travelling all the time
The restless me, makes me think it’s better at that other place and those other good old times
I wasn’t grateful then, not grateful now
But I should have been, should be now
It’s like a moral me is always there short handed in the moment dominant after
There is so much to live and love for,
If only I could take this moment if only with a fake laughter
Then, things may make sense, I might arrive in the process of arriving
Stop looking out of the window or the track-end
It’s my and my only track
Got to groove with it
No tracing back my steps,
There is not stop, just stepping up at every pitstop to up the game like an intercontinental pole drafter

See you on my arriving, it’s not a verb but a noun where I live at,
Arriving it may seem and sound like, yet always arrived!

Quarantine diary the 22nd day

It’s the 22nd day, so I should now be getting used to it. Getting used to not setting up a task, as it’s really hard to keep up with anything. It has always been so. But now I am constantly reminded of everything, and I can’t run away from it. No other place, no other people, no other worldly talks, no distractions. To meet with oneself and tolerate it is the hardest part. Prison is a horrible precisely because of this,you r left alone with yourself, no place to go and the people You either will not want to associate with or even if you do, the outcome will be bad, it’s similar to the notion of hell in this way. There is just waiting. Waiting to be free or to be free from this world. Coming back to the quarantine, all the talk and words with people have ceased, its all the same now, similar topic similar work, similar non-routinised life, the immediate circle is all same and a new one can’t be formed. I have two tasks at hand study and clear Indian economic services and study and write my synopsis both of which seems a far fetched dream as of now. It’s not happening, not at the required pace, not for the required time , and it’s inadequate. All the self help books and techniques can go and burn themselves, they are as useless as anything. There are also some good things about this lockdown I can use the n number of products which are supposed to make my hair grow backs and realise that it’s not happening. I can eat the best food that the world has to offer. I can see how time slips by, I can feel almost every second of my life. In a way life needs a lockdown once in a while, you get a better grasp or the clearer incomprehensiblity over the world and over your own self. You realise that people are never there, that jokes and movies and all the luxury is useless and makes one actually sad if not earned for. Also one turns grateful, yes grateful for the food and the blessing state of not doing any work, atleast I have a home , parents to look after, food, I am not sure about the stats but I am very sure atleast 2 people must be dying somewhere in the India due to lack of food, shelter etc. What’s left is accepting that this lockdown is going to stay, the hairs are going so let them go, write some letters and poetry which makes sense, listen to that song that keeps the heart in rhythm, do this work and hope that this will work. Even if it doesn’t something else will, the wheel of time stops for none, no one can keep up, but atleast one can try. Anyways, Sooner or later we are all going to die.

The slow descent

The tremors in my brain

I want to talk about our well being

Coz after all we are human beings

Can we just stop asking how much u earn, where u live and what’s the next Cool thing u r upto

Can we open up, just breathe and get the things off our chest

Just be real, when the word is busy posting things on FB, Twitter and what’s app, Instagram

Just busy everymoment without giving life any chance

Can we stop obsessing over Buddha

And trying to emulate him

Don’t expect things, and good stuffs,prepare for war like a soldier but also be cool on out head like those people in movie

We watch,and since we have cameras and apps

We can be one of.them?

What about the basic of all necessities

About being in touch?

About care

And not showoff,pretence and shaming the clutz?

Just be real

It’s okay if things are.not okay

They ll be , u r going through a phase and it may last a life Time

It’s okay to panic

What’s not okay is hiding

Not having a conversation

Being locked in the prison of ur mind

Where u talk to urself

And try to get hold.of time

About where it all went, and how u reach here, u wanted to be different and maybe u still can be or to tell u the truth u always were, but then u always need to do ur karma, everything is never going to be alright

U place ur trust in people,u expect and do things for them

U think more.about them then u do for urself

U r bound to get hurt and hurt bad

It’s the normal course of things

So stop watching movies, and imagining the greater than life character u see in everyone but urself

And all those eloquent people

Who.left u dazed, and knocked the living daylights out of u

With a smile and perfect excuse

U grew recluse

Every word they said

Bombarded ur world

And their silence u were in comma

U tried living,but concentration is hard to form

When u have been through such trauma

Still u hope coz u breathe

And it’s the only thing which hold ur world coz let’s face it

Life never was a Paradise

But u always tried to.make it work

And they say u r such a drama

So.shut them, lock urself

U have go to find a justification for ur self

Just understand

Enlightenment is bound to make u whole

U r going to make u whole

Coz all else is drama

This site asked why I want to write

It’s maybe coz I want to speak

And find some resonance in the millions who r here

But just resonance by one ll be fine

To weaken the tremors brain

Coz it has gone too weak

By overthinking

The need for a passion

The constant happening of life

And the increasing fragility of the people that r here,in the real world.